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David says:

“You take the frucke mungle Brody joint and singeford it to the Jaycraft coupler,” the guy explains to me. “This next part is CRITICAL. You join the drizzlemeisterator to the grindshaft joint…”

Sheree and I are at the Edmonton RV Show. We have been dreaming about a life on the road for years. Purchasing an RV seemed like an utterly perfect idea at the time. That “time” was last summer at the tail end of a six week road trip through Alaska.

Sheree’s written about how we stopped for a piece of pie, made a U-Turn at an RV dealership and wound up with a 2005 Travelaire Motorhome. The Endless Highway beckoned and I settled back, moments after signing the sales agreement, seeing myself and Sheree rolling down the highway seeing Wonder After Wonder.

We marked the occasion by purchasing two travel mugs. You know what I’m talking about? You put hot tea or coffee in them and pop that puppy into the cupholder and you can sip tasty beverages as you roll down the aforementioned Endless Highway looking at Wonder After Wonder. Ahhh...

All of which put my feet on the journey that brings me to the RV show listening to a very earnest man explain the basics of RV maintenance. He’s a skinny guy in clean coveralls and he’s emphasizing each point with an emphatic hand gesture.

“…a lot of people don’t know that,” he says nodding in agreement with himself.

“Imagine that,” I say with an “among us guys” grin. "Unbelievable."

Crap. I have no idea what he’s talking about.

Skinny Overalls Guy settles back with a satisfied smile on his face. All is calm for a moment – and then he thinks of something else that will cause the North American continent to slide into the sea if I forget it. And he’s talking again.

I nod.

I smile.

I am listening to that "wha wha wha" trumpet Charlie Brown hears when the teacher’s talking.

How am I EVER gonna do this? I don’t have a mechanical bone in my body. I'm a mentalist for pete's sake...as right brained as it is possible for a human being to be...and still survive.

I can injure myself changing a light bulb. I once repaired a drawer in our kitchen and it took me a day and a half,copious amounts of duct tape and some screws I got from…well…somewhere. My repair was perfect until the drawer was actually opened. For the first time. Yet another Proud Handyman Moment, which sparked immeasurable merriment from all who beheld my work.

Three things are starting to sink in on this Sunday afternoon – a day set aside for Making Plans for the RV:

1)      I am going to have to learn things I have always avoided: mechanical things. This bothers me greatly, because Sheree has often said “You are going to have to know that RV from front to back…every nook and cranny.” And let’s face it – that’s a perfectly reasonable expectation. I am, after all, the man.  Guys just know this stuff. They can repair space shuttles using only a pair of pliers and baling wire. (Let’s be honest. I don’t even know exactly what baling wire is.) I missed that class. Or that gene. Something in my brain glazes over and goes “la la la la” whenever guys start talking technical things. I don’t mean for it to happen. It just does. (I’ve long held the theory that the Technical Part of My Brain was banged against a table or sidewalk when I was younger and broke.)

2)      I am going to have to learn how to Back Up. Crap. This is another guy thing. (See? This guy does it in 26 seconds.)  Men come out of the womb being able to back their trucks into parking spots that have one and a half postage stamps worth of clearance. I, on the other hand, will drive my car around the block to avoid having to parallel park. (This really REALLY annoys Sheree. Especially in winter.)

3)     The third thing? We are really doing this. We really are going to be on the road. It’s no longer a pie in the sky dream. Are we going to sell our house and LIVE on the road? Are we simply going to spend a LOT of time there and maintain our house? Where are we going to go? Who are we going to meet? What will we SEE? The notion fills me with something I can’t really express. Longing maybe? Excitement? Dread? A little bit of all three.

Sheree wants to blog something here every day. That makes sense because there may be one or two people who learn (or even chuckle) from what we do…and, besides,  it will be an excellent journal to look back on when I am older and wiser and can smile at this guy who knew nothing about anything.

So I’ll be back tomorrow. Right now I have to do a Google search on a “frucke mungle Brody joint.”


 


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